Sunday, 2 September 2012

Poached chicken breast and its sauce for Laura*




Most diet plans and recipes featured in newspaper colour supplements and in magazines will at some point instruct you to eat a poached chicken breast. I am not averse to diet recipes but a poached chicken breast has always struck me as a terrible thing. Tasteless, papery, depressing.

But I have to lose some weight. I don't know how it happened, but I've got fatter. I don't recall eating more, or differently, but some cosmic shift has occurred to make me acquire more weight. I don't know how much because I don't weigh myself, but I know that a few months ago all my clothes fit and now they don't. Specifically certain pairs of jeans. Specifically round my middle. I would go on my own-brand Shitty Food Diet, but it has been failing me. I don't know why.

Things were made worse recently by going on holiday to a Greek island where among the guests were two 40-year-old women who were in terrific shape. They were lean and mean like Japanese calligraphy; they exercised all the time - running down to the beach at 7am to swim to a neighbouring island and back - and ate practically nothing. AND there was this 18 year old boy who had abs you could grate cheese on. He looked like he'd been Photoshopped. All round it was not a terrific week for feeling hot and sexy and whippet-like. And my hands swelled up so much in the heat that I had to stop wearing my wedding ring.

By the way, don't all rush to shriek that I am pregnant, because I am not - chance would be a fine thing. (Not quite as easy second time around, it seems.)

Anyway looking pregnant without actually being pregnant is the worst of both worlds. So I have been casting about for things to eat that won't make me get any fatter and thought that things may have got to such a drastic stage that I will have to give poached chicken breast a whirl.

The thing that made me definitely decide to do this was recalling an interview with Cheryl Cole about two years ago, when we were still in thrall to her and were not yet weary of her chocolatey eyes and perfect teeth and cavernous dimples, where she talked about losing a lot of weight. She would eat for dinner, she said, poached chicken breast (A-HA!) with "some kind of creamy sauce" and steamed vegetables.

The creamy sauce here is key - a rich creamy sauce will liven anything up, even a sodding chicken breast and you can, if you are doing a low-carbohydrate regime, as I am, slobber it all over whatever you're eating. It will just make everything okay.

Please do not be daunted by the sauce I have invented here. It is the same principle as Hollandaise but very easy as you are not required to do that awful buggery thing where you cook the egg-and-butter mixture only for it to fucking split and make you cry (this may only apply if you have PMT). What you sacrifice for ease and speed is a small amount in the way of consistency, which in the case of this sauce is a little thinner than an echt Hollandaise. But it is the key to being thin. So just do it.

Poached chicken with its sauce
For 2

2 chicken breasts
3 egg yolks
200g butter
a dash of vinegar
salt and pepper
juice of half a lemon
1 tsp of stock powder if you have it, don't worry if not


1 In a pan large enough to accommodate both chicken breasts heat up about two inches deep of water with your stock powder and bring to the boil. Turn down the heat until it is simmering and then add the chicken. Cook this for 12 minutes, turning occasionally. Try not to let the water hit a rolling boil, or dip below a brisk simmer.

2 If I were you, I would wait until the chicken was cooked then take it out of the pan to rest before you attempt the sauce because although the sauce is not hard, it is best to have no distractions while you are doing it.

(I made sure Kitty and husband were both watching television while doing this and not liable to pester me for biscuits, stickers, hugs or story-reading. Kitty can be pretty demanding, too.)

The chicken needs to rest for a bit anyway. Don't be put off by how utterly disgusting the chicken looks when cooked - all pale and dead-looking - this will be disguised later; see picture above.

3 For the sauce first melt the butter in a saucepan. If you have one of those marvellous pans with a little pouring lip, use that, if not don't worry. After it has melted keep it over the lowest flame possible to keep warm. Then separate the three yolks into a small bowl.

4 I have an electric whisk for this step. I'm sure you could do it by hand but it might be tough on the old wrists. So, while continuously beating the yolks, add the melted butter in a thin stream. People make a lot of fuss about how hard this is, it really isn't, just be careful.

5 Once add the butter has been added, season with salt, pepper, lemon juice and vinegar. Add all these cautiously and taste all the time. Egg yolks are precious; leftover egg whites are a bore - you do not want to have to do the whole thing all over again. I like a very vinegary Hollandaise - or should I say "Hollandaise" - but you might not.

6 You can just eat this now, or if you need to wait a bit while cooking some veg -  (I made a broccoli accompaniment *cries* by boiling some broccoli for 5 minutes then tossing in toasted sesame oil, soy sauce and sesame seeds) - then get any old pan, fill it 2 inches with water and then heat to skin temperature and keep it there, then place your "Hollandaise" in the water to keep it a sort of baby-bath temperature, which will stop it from going grainy. Stir every now and again anyway.

7 To serve! (And this is key, for morale) slice the chicken into what is know in the restuarant menu trade as "medallions" and lay out on the plate, slather generously with sauce, and also any accompanying boring vegetables.

Giles, to my total astonishment, declared this "the most delicious thing" I've ever cooked. I was stunned. He hasn't said that for ages. So there you go. Although just between you and me, I think he might have just been trying to be nice because I'm so fat and spotty at the moment.

Happy dieting! :(






N.B. I have not been posting because my publisher wants an absolutely terrifying amount of original copy and so I have been sitting in my room in front of my computer not posting anything because any new ideas I have must go into the book... but I haven't been writing any new copy either. What is wrong with me?


*This post is dedicated to a really terrific girl I know on Twitter, @lauraewelsh, who once said the funniest thing to me ever, which is that the greatest skill a parent can have is to eat an entire packet of crisps with their head in a cupboard. She is on a diet, too.

21 comments:

  1. I am also low carbing and as a parent of three small children, I have resorted to hiding in the bathroom to eat chocolate. When's the book coming out?

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  2. Sorry but.. what's the point of a diet before pregnancy? :)

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  3. Have you tried the 5:2 diet? If it's as miraculous as the internet says I'll be a waif by Christmas, and only a tearful wreck two days a week. Which is less than normal anyway. Tomorrow is my first fast day. I imagine poached chicken will feature heavily. Sans delicious sauce, alas.

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  4. It just struck me recently that each time in the past 4 years I've done a week-long very VERY dull detox thingy (no wheat, sugar, dairy, salt, meat, fish, alcohol, processed foods etc - in fact no life whatsoever for a week) I got knocked up within 2 weeks of completing it. Not recommended if (like me, last time I did it) you didn't necessarily want to be pregnant, but great if you want to lose weight AND avoid buying tampons for a year.

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  5. Well hanging around with perfect 18 year olds is not going to do anything for your self esteem! The chicken does look good though and I'm on the dieting bandwagon too so thanks for the recipe x

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  6. One of my most striking mothering memories is ducking down behind the kitchen counter so my second child wouldn't see me eating a Kitkat. He was a week old at the time.

    I haven't thought of a reason to separate eggs since I found this video
    http://newyork.grubstreet.com/2012/08/see-an-amazing-video-trick-for-separating-eggs.html?e=grubstreet--20120823
    so I think I might fiddle about with this. I have never made hollondaise of any description but I might have to now.

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  7. My husband rustles in the cupboard on a daily basis. You made him laugh (that's never happened before - anything I've read out before I mean) .

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    1. in general men do not think I am funny because they have such incredibly poor senses of humour

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  8. It is just so spooky - I had a baby when you did, now finding it a bit trickier to have another, and I have recently found a spare tyre where my waist was just a few months ago. My theory is that having a newborn was so traumatically knackerin I forgot how to eat, but now childcare is easier I have reintroduced being a greedy guts into my daily life. And Laura is spot on - I had my head in the pantry eating salt and vinegar crisps just yesterday. xx

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    1. yes anxiety makes me stop eating. being relaxed and happy makes me stuff myself. so now kitty and I sit in cafes for hours eating pain au raisins and reading CBeebies mags

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  9. It is a real skill to eat with head in kitchen cupboard learnt that with child one and regularly do it when number 2/3 are about. Did you see what Jools Oliver did to get in shape to conceive child 3/4? That couldn't have been easy with Jamie about

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  10. Sounds good I'll give it a try. Wondering if your time spent writing for your editor has cleaned up the effing and jeffing which are common in previous blogs. Don't banish them permanently, you have a slightly exasperated, sweary voice in my head when I read your posts!

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    1. I certainly think more about the swearing at the moment, sometimes it's not neccessary...

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  11. Just had it. What else you got for dieting secrets, ive got to loose 2 stone in 2 weeks before the man im secretly in love with moves to NYC. We are going to the ballet ( its been planned for 3 months) and thats where I am going to look thin and tell him how I feel.

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  12. It's great to see decent looking diet food. I remember my worst diet as a student and that was the Cambridge diet.........evil stuff!

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  13. Will definitely try this, can't wait to see your book. Some of the comments on this are as witty as your post!

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  14. I was at a Christening last weekend and one of the guests came up to me and told me I was REALLY FAMOUS because I'd be mentioned on Recipe Rifle. I feel truly honoured! The diet is going shit because I have been ill but I WILL make this for lunch tomorrow as the vile children are all at school or nursery for the day. And I shalln't have to eat it in a cupboard. x

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    1. someone told me the other day that I was "famous", which I did not understand. You are not famous until you are famous in China, is my reckoning. still, nice to have ones day livened up a bit like that. sorry you've been ill, what a bore. it's not even winter yet

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  15. Just done a food writing course with lulu grimes and lindsey bareham, they showed us your blog, which is hilarious! we all laughed at your stories!
    http://gingerbreadlad.blogspot.co.uk/

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  16. ...And you WERE preggo!

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